


Headcanon ask: Theta & Koschei (Doctor & Master)

by LadyPaigeC



Series: Tumblr Headcanon Ask Game [9]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Headcanon, M/M, Thoschei, Tumblr Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 17:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20067940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyPaigeC/pseuds/LadyPaigeC
Summary: My responses to "send me a ship and I'll tell you who..." (Theta and Koschei edition)





	Headcanon ask: Theta & Koschei (Doctor & Master)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have an intimate knowledge of the Theta x Koschei from the DW expanded universe, so this is mostly based on TV Canon (from Three x Delgado through Twelve x Gomez).

• **who hogs the duvet** \- Neither of these two sleep often, and when they do their sleep schedules very rarely line up. However, on those extraordinary instances when they do, their battle for the covers can only be described as “the Enmity of the Ages.”  
• **who texts/rings to check how their day is going** \- Theta often likes to check in to see how Koschei is doing. Koschei has a secret tracker on Theta’s phone.  
• **who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts** \- I’m going with Koschei on this one because he is always trying to devise very complicated ways to kill Theta and sometimes he does so hidden within extravagant gifts. He definitely gets an A+ for creativity.  
• **who gets up first in the morning** \- Again, they both sleep so rarely, but Koschei definitely likes to use the early morning for plotting. Theta when he sleeps likes to luxuriate in all the blankets and pillows on the bed.  
• **who suggests new things in bed** \- Koschei is always suggesting they try new things, but the last time Theta fell for it he ended up handcuffed to the bed, naked, and abandoned for two days, while Koschei went off in the TARDIS to take over a planet. Theta is a little more discerning of Koschei’s propositions these days.  
• **who cries at movies** \- Koschei cries when the villain fails but he will murder you if you even think about mentioning it!!!! Theta cries during cartoons.  
• **who gives unprompted massages** \- Theta is very tactile and can often be seen touching Koschei. Koschei heard about this spot on the shoulder that if pressure is placed there, you can make a person lose control of their legs. To say Theta ended up a puddle on the floor is accurate, but perhaps a tad misleading when it comes to being as a result of a “massage.”  
• **who fusses over the other when they’re sick** \- There was one time that one of Koschei’s plots to kill his boyfriend was a little too close to succeeding and Koschei was absolutely beside himself. He nursed Theta back to health and neither ever spoke of it again.  
• **who gets jealous easiest** \- Not to say that Koschei doesn’t get jealous - what’s his is HIS, but Theta was nicknamed “the Oncoming Storm,” after a long night of drinking ginger beer and the Rani said something to Koschei that Theta absolutely took as an attempt at a pull HIS nemesis/boyfriend his inebriated state.  
• **who has the most embarrassing taste in music** \- Koschei wrote “Mysterioso Pizzicato” for himself and then made sure it played every time he entered a room.  
• **who collects something unusual** \- Koschei has a room of torture devices he wants to test out on Theta. Theta has a collection of turtle toys. I'll let you decide which is weirder.  
• **who takes the longest to get ready** \- Koschei because he never leaves the TARDIS without making sure his pockets are full of gadgets he might need to help him take over the planet they are visiting that day.  
• **who is the most tidy and organized** \- Koschei again. I mean he has a plan A through ΘΣ for everything.  
• **who gets most excited about the holidays** \- Theta because he is a pure bean who loves immersing himself in the cultures of others. Plus, presents.  
• **who is the big spoon/little spoon** \- Koschei is always the big spoon because he cannot show any sign of weakness and being the little spoon is weakness in his eyes. However, Theta snuggles up behind him and comforts him whenever one of Koschei’s plans goes awry (which is nearly every day), so basically, Koschei is never the big spoon.  
• **who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports** \- Koschei thinks failure is unacceptable and therefore is very competitive. However, very rarely does Theta actually lose. (He is secretly the most competitive, but hides it well.)  
• **who starts the most arguments** \- Koschei. It is how he shows he cares.  
• **who suggests that they buy a pet** \- Why would they need a pet? Koschei has Theta.  
• **what couple traditions they have** \- Sundays are boring and as such they take a break from planetary domination and attempted murder. They usually go bowling.  
• **what tv shows they watch together** \- TV? TV is for losers (unless it is close circuit TV footage of watching your lover sleep). Koschei only watches films produced during the French New Wave.  
• **what other couple they hang out with** \- No one is allowed to know they are dating...Brax and Romana.  
• **how they spend time together as a couple** \- Try to take over a planet, be averted by your significant other. Try to kill your significant other. Fail. Repeat.  
• **who made the first move** \- Koschei saw Theta walk into the Academy, crying and sad that he had to leave his family, and decided he wanted to kill him then and there.  
• **who brings flowers home** \- Koschei, but only if they are poisonous…or contain a sex pollen.  
• **who is the best cook** \- Koschei poisons the food. Theta has taken to eating only food dispensed by the TARDIS food replicator.


End file.
